Those who can.... teach. Really?

So maternity leave has finally drawn to an end. Sad times. There will be no more singing in the library, no more drinking enormous hot chocolates and eating cake in Costa or Cafe Nero, and there will be no more laying in and watching films in bed - although this one ended a while back when Maya suddenly decided that laying in bed was boring!

So on Wednesday 20th June, after exactly a year off, I headed back to work. I wasn't worried about leaving Maya as she had already been in nursery for a few weeks and was very happy there, however I was concerned about my ability to teach after having a year off.

I drove in with as much enthusiasm as I could muster, which wasn't that much to be honest. Straight away I felt that I had never been away, I couldn't lock my car due to some problem that no-one can explain, that has been affecting cars on the school site for about three years now, the Year 11s were hanging around getting in everyone's way and the Humanities office looked like a bomb had gone off in it. My classroom looked a bit of a tip too.

Fortunately I only had 4 and a half weeks at work before the summer holidays and a very light timetable so I could spend time rewriting schemes of work and preparing for the next year. However those weeks weren't the best of my teaching career! Lauren and I were picking up the odd Key Stage 3 class here and there - and we were sharing those so we only saw them twice. This was a good thing, as generally they were horrible and thought we were supply teachers, they had also been taught by non-specialists before so didn't really like geography very much. I think I had totally forgotten about how pathetic some kids are - and actually just how many rude and difficult pupils we actually have at our school.

Our plan to share a timetable soon went out of the window - we would be sharing a ropey Year 11 form group, but various timetabling issues meant that Lauren would be teaching no geography and I would be teaching a huge chunk of Entry Level English - this took weeks to sort out and communication was very poor leaving us in an awkward position. On raising this with my line manager I experienced a barrage of aggressive bullying and refusal to accept any blame. Apparently I will find it hard to balance work and home - at the moment I would just like a chance to try as someone is not to keen to hand back the reigns of my department and let me get on with it.

Anyway I was very pleased when the summer holiday arrived - however I had a mountain of work to get through: rewriting 14 schemes of work for Key Stage 3, rewriting the GCSE schemes of work, planning for Entry Level English and marking coursework. So most days when Maya was in nursery I was ploughing on and trying to make some headway. In fact I actually worked more this holiday than I have done in the past - despite now only being paid 0.6. Why? Probably because I am a bit of a mug. Also I know that the rest of my department will not have done their allocation!

On results day I went in for an hour or so, not because I wanted to, but because I felt that I should. Results were disappointing, but that's what you get when so many grotty kids opt for your subject, you give two difficult groups to NQTs, and pupils spend much more time revising for core subjects than yours. However I felt strangely detached from it all - the students I had taught in Year 10 did very well, but as I hadn't taught them at all in Year 11 I didn't feel anything. Overall the results of the entire school were quite poor - which makes me feel a bit better about our subject, but also I know that we will hear nothing but this when we get back.

So the new term is just around the corner... am I looking forward to getting back into the swing of things? Well no, actually, anything but. I don't really know what it is. James is starting at a brand new school which is quite exciting, and I think I am a bit jealous of that. I think I am also getting itchy feet - I have been at my school now for eight years, however now I am part-time I won't be able to get another subject leader role - so I think I am feeling a little bit at a dead-end. I think mostly I know that I don't want to do this job forever, but have no idea what to do, particularly something that will pay as well as my current post.

I think I just need to get back and embrace the new term, and hope that my past enthusiasm returns, and I will start to remember why I entered teaching in the first place. At the moment I am not sure, which makes me feel a bit sad.

She's growing up too fast!

Wednesday 30th May was a big day for us - it was Maya's first trial at nursery, and the first time I would be leaving her with someone I didn't know.

Choosing a nursery wasn't a hard task for us - we had a choice of 3 that opened at 7.30am - Just Learning at Rushmere and Pinewood, and Birch Farm at Hintlesham. Both of the Just Learning nurseries are not on my way to work - although sadly Maya's little friends Maggie and Jack were going to one of them. Still they don't have to do everything together! Birch Farm was perfect - 10 mintes from my work and I drive right past it anyway.

So back in February Mum and I went to have a look round, and then I took James the following week. Straight away I knew that it was right for us, and of course more importantly, right for Maya. It has a beautiful setting - right out in the countryside, so feels really safe. The facilities and staff are lovely too. I was expecting it to be pristene so was initially disappointed - until I realised that that should have worried me - a tidy nursery doesn't exactly scream 'play'!

So our trial day came round - I don't think I was ready and I was worried about leaving Maya. However it was only for 90 minutes, and as soon as we were there she was happy and excited by everything around her. Her key worker Diane was lovely (actually a mum from my school!) and took her out of my arms so I left them to it.

That 90 minutes was very strange - I had no idea what to do with myself! In fact I just spent the time shuffling around Tesco - a place that I despise!! However when I picked her up she looked very settled and had been enjoying her morning outside playing with all of the different toys and seemed very comfortable with her key worker.

Friday that week we had another trial morning, which again she loved, and during the half term she started properly completing two days. James and I once again didn't really know what to do with ourselves - we went to get our hair cut on the Wednesday and had lunch at the Nelson. On Friday we wandered around the shops again and went for lunch at the Greyhound. It was nice not to have to worry whether our chosen venue for lunch was baby friendly, and it was nice to be able to use escalators and not have to wait ages for for lifts clogged up with fat lazy people! Each time we picked Maya up she cried - mainly because she couldn't get to us quick enough - but also because she was so happy there.

Unfortunately on the day I returned to work properly she cried when I dropped her off - suddenly she had realised that I would be leaving her for several hours. This was my worse nightmare for my first day back, as I really didn't want to go to work anyway!

We had a couple of weeks of this, with the occasional tears at pick up time too. However now when I drop her off she is so unbelievably excited - and is so confident with the other children and staff. A couple of weeks ago we actually had our first parents' evening consultation - this was certainly more enjoyable than the ones I have as a teacher, and it was amazing to see everything that they had noted down about her and just how much she had changed in the space of a few months.

The whole experience has made me feel very very proud indeed, but also a little bit sad that she is growing up so fast!