September found Maya experiencing her festival - we went to Harvest with Shelley and Greg (who are far more baby-friendly than expected!). It was a big success, despite the fact Maya had a big poo whilst watching the celebrity chefs, and we managed to leave the raincover at home (again) when it poured with rain - but we coped with an umbrella. A fantastic day - although the fact I had to return to the car to express for half an hour took the edge of it slightly! We think Maya was the youngest festival goer.
It felt fantastic at the beginning of September to not be going back to work, no having to sit through two boring PD days, no having to analyse/discuss/defend GCSE results (sometimes it's just their fault okay!), no performance management, etc. I took Maya in for results day the week before and it was really liberating knowing that I wouldn't have to return for ages!
So what are we doing instead? Well our days now revolve around various baby activities. We have completed a term of Tinies with Lazy Daisy, and are just about to complete the first term of Wrigglers with them. I love love love these classes - originally I paid to do them more for my benefit for the social aspect, as the mums at the Treehouse and Ormiston centres are not the sort that I would want to associate with - and I don't care how snobby that sounds as it's an opinion I share with most of the new mums I meet! It's fantastic - a mixture of singing, movements to help with digestion and balance and relaxation. It's lovely to see all the babies being social and how much they are changing on a weekly basis. After each class we go for lunch which is a big treat, and I have made some good friends through the class - Hannah (who I knew anyway), Caroline, Karen and Amanda. We are all having similar experiences of motherhood (ie. trying not to be too mental about it) - and it is so much easier to talk to them instead of the mums at the children's centres who all arrive enmasse with their extended families, complaining about how hard it was to give up smoking!
We have also started swimming regularly - which is fab! Maya is a natural and doesn't even mind when James and I take her to the Arctic experience which is Felixstowe Leisure Centre - a pool which is very cold and not at all nice. We had a great time at Splash in Sheringham a few weeks ago - Maya wasn't at all bothered by the wave machine or being dunked, lots of people wanted to say hello to her, and it was warm! We do swimming lessons at Suffolk Swim School every week - which is lovely and warm and so relaxed and friendly. However the facilities are a bit crap for babies, as the changing rooms are small and not baby-friendly at all. Hannah and I have a system where we take it in turns to get changed and watch the babies - I was stuffed last week when she didn't come!
We are also embracing 'Baby Bounce' - singing at the library! So far we've tried out Kesgrave (good as is combined with the weigh-in clinic, but mega busy), Woodbridge and Felixstowe (also has weigh-in and is much quieter). I have been really impressed with the libraries and their facilities - so much nicer than I expected. I haven't braved the libraries more local to us for the same reasons I am not fond of the children's centres! The singing might be a bit crap but Maya seems to have a lovely time and we need more free activities to do as I am now on SMP only!
A few weeks back I discovered how you cannot expect to be able to drink as much as you could before giving birth. After four pints of cider at Isaacs I stumbled home completely wasted and in no fit state to look after Maya. Poor James had to deal with two night feeds (which she hadn't had for weeks), whilst I had been sick and retired to the spare room. The next morning I woke at 2am and felt hideous, and was well overdue a pumping session, but I knew I would just have to throw the milk down the sink so didn't bother. When I woke up again at 6am 14 hours had passed since I had last expressed so my boobs were rock solid and painful, which forced me out of bed. I felt such a disgrace that I have been much more sensible since then!
We have also been away twice in the last month - 2 nights in the cottage in North Norfolk, and 2 nights with Shelley and Greg in the Peak District. On both occasions Maya has been really unsettled on the first night, but excellent on the second. The only issue I have with going away with her is the way she finds it necessary to squeeze out an enormous poo just as we are about to get into the car (and all the changing stuff is packed) - our trip back from the Peaks was held up by an emergency bath!
Maya is now 4 months old and I can't believe how much she has changed. Back in July she was a tiny scrap of a thing who struggled to put on weight, hovering between the 2nd and 9th percentile for ages. She is massive now - between the 50th and 75th, although her weight gain is much more steady. She is the youngest baby at Lazy Daisy but certainly not the smallest. She now weighs almost 15lb and I can barely lift her and the car seat, even my dad complains how heavy it is with her in it - this is the man who a few years ago carried a washing machine into our house by himself! Maya is much more interesting now too - she has started to take a real interest in toys, loves her jumparoo and is always looking around taking everything in, so it is quite easy to wear her out. She sleeps through the night mostly too - and is getting a bit too big for her moses basket but I am not quite ready to put her in the nursery. We have almost got the routine sorted - regular settling time, regular feeds - fewer but bigger.
There are still days when she cries loads and James gets home to find me rocking on the stairs with the door shutting trying to block out the noise, and I find it hard to cope when she is teething as it's so hard to see her in pain and not be able to do anything. And one day I left the bottle warmer on so had to leave her at Lazy Daisy for half an hour – she didn’t care and was being used as the demonstration baby when I got back! All in all though I think we are doing a good job!
Wednesday, 9 November 2011
Our first summer holiday as a proper family...
After surviving the first couple of weeks without breaking Maya we were feeling a bit more confident, so when James' mum came to visit we ventured into town and took Maya for her first trip to Isaacs. Unfortunately when we got there we realised we had left the change bag at home so James had to go back and get it - and then she didn't need it at all! You soon get used to the ridiculous amount of stuff you have to be armed with just for a quick trip out with a baby! Maya slept through brunch in Isaacs and then lunch in town - very impressive!
My 33rd birthday was a much more low-key event that normal and we just had a family BBQ rather than any meals out/drinks. We had even spent our birthday money on a roof box rather than anything interesting! But we did start to get braver with our outings and lunch out and BBQs soon became a regular fixture of the summer holidays (well we had abandoned all other parts of our social life!). At a BBQ at my parents Maya was sick all over me as soon as we got there - which made me realise how stupid it was to leave the house without a spare set of clothes! She also cried through a BBQ at Anita and Liam's, although was quiet at the pub. I felt a bad mother to be sitting with Maya on my lap whilst sipping Aspells, but after 9 months of no alcohol I deserved it! We celebrated James' birthday with lunch out and drinks in Isaacs, however we did cancel our anniversary dinner out as I wasn't ready to leave Maya with anyone else.
In the middle of August we went away (a bit mentally according to most!) for a few days to James' parents holiday cottage in Norfolk. We had to take a ridiculous amount of stuff away with us and totally filled the car and roof box. Unfortunately the first night there was horrific, Maya wouldn't sleep in her moses basket and cried all night long. I tried to get her to sleep in my arms as she normally likes this at home but even then she was hysterical, and in the tiny cottage there is nowhere to escape the crying (as poor Paddy discovered). During the 3 days there we did several walks, which Maya usually was good for. She was certainly good as a hot water bottle in her sling - normally half way through a walk I pass her to James as my back is hurting, however on the beach I kept her to heat me up! We also ate out 3 times, this was generally okay except for one lunchtime where she cried the whole way through - luckily we were at the far end of the beer garden!
Towards the end of the summer we took Maya to her first beer festival - it was good and she was considerate enough to sleep the whole way through. I struggled to choose my beers wisely as I was only allowed two, and unfortunately we left the rain cover at home and it did rain a lot - sheltering in a tent is not so easy with a huge pushchair!
One thing that has really annoyed me about being a parent is other people's opinions on the choices you make. The first one definitely was the whole breastfeeding issue - must not give up; must not express, blah blah...; more recently views on the use of soothers is doing my head in! James' mum doesn't approve of them, although she has not said anything, but James didn't want Maya to use one in front of her. His aunty also said during lunch out "I'm so glad you don't give her dummies" - this really pissed me off - why do people have such strong opinions about them? Particularly when it's none of their business? If they took time to read recent research they would learn that there is evidence that soothers can reduce the risk of SIDS, and also isn't it better to use dummies rather than thumbs which ends up with needing expensive dental treatment. And if Maya gets comfort from it and it stops her crying who cares about what other people think!!
My 33rd birthday was a much more low-key event that normal and we just had a family BBQ rather than any meals out/drinks. We had even spent our birthday money on a roof box rather than anything interesting! But we did start to get braver with our outings and lunch out and BBQs soon became a regular fixture of the summer holidays (well we had abandoned all other parts of our social life!). At a BBQ at my parents Maya was sick all over me as soon as we got there - which made me realise how stupid it was to leave the house without a spare set of clothes! She also cried through a BBQ at Anita and Liam's, although was quiet at the pub. I felt a bad mother to be sitting with Maya on my lap whilst sipping Aspells, but after 9 months of no alcohol I deserved it! We celebrated James' birthday with lunch out and drinks in Isaacs, however we did cancel our anniversary dinner out as I wasn't ready to leave Maya with anyone else.
In the middle of August we went away (a bit mentally according to most!) for a few days to James' parents holiday cottage in Norfolk. We had to take a ridiculous amount of stuff away with us and totally filled the car and roof box. Unfortunately the first night there was horrific, Maya wouldn't sleep in her moses basket and cried all night long. I tried to get her to sleep in my arms as she normally likes this at home but even then she was hysterical, and in the tiny cottage there is nowhere to escape the crying (as poor Paddy discovered). During the 3 days there we did several walks, which Maya usually was good for. She was certainly good as a hot water bottle in her sling - normally half way through a walk I pass her to James as my back is hurting, however on the beach I kept her to heat me up! We also ate out 3 times, this was generally okay except for one lunchtime where she cried the whole way through - luckily we were at the far end of the beer garden!
Towards the end of the summer we took Maya to her first beer festival - it was good and she was considerate enough to sleep the whole way through. I struggled to choose my beers wisely as I was only allowed two, and unfortunately we left the rain cover at home and it did rain a lot - sheltering in a tent is not so easy with a huge pushchair!
One thing that has really annoyed me about being a parent is other people's opinions on the choices you make. The first one definitely was the whole breastfeeding issue - must not give up; must not express, blah blah...; more recently views on the use of soothers is doing my head in! James' mum doesn't approve of them, although she has not said anything, but James didn't want Maya to use one in front of her. His aunty also said during lunch out "I'm so glad you don't give her dummies" - this really pissed me off - why do people have such strong opinions about them? Particularly when it's none of their business? If they took time to read recent research they would learn that there is evidence that soothers can reduce the risk of SIDS, and also isn't it better to use dummies rather than thumbs which ends up with needing expensive dental treatment. And if Maya gets comfort from it and it stops her crying who cares about what other people think!!
Scared of everything - the first few weeks at home....
We arrived home with Maya at 8.30pm on Saturday 9th July - and were terrified - what the hell were we supposed to do with a baby who was just 1 day old?? We struggled to get her into the car seat and once in it was far too big - was it really going to help her in an accident?? At home we set up the moses basket in the lounge and tried desperately to keep Paddy and his big long snout away from her - she was so tiny and we were really paranoid about how delicate she must be. I don't have much recollection of the first night home, I am assuming we went to bed quite early, and I imagine we checked Maya every 5 minutes to check she was still alive, but other than that it all seems a blur!
Lauren recommended Gina Ford's book to help us get into a routine, however on reading the book I just got angry. How the hell can you get newborns into a routine? Apparently you should make babies wait between feeds (which is actually damaging as it can mean they are not getting enough milk, and can decrease your milk supply), let them cry themselves to sleep. It is a ridiculous book - you can tell she's never had kids of her own. There is no way I can let Maya cry things out. She says the babies she 'cares' for never cry - probably because they know there's no point as they won't get any attention! Anyway we decided we were better on muddling through ourselves!
Our first full day at home was awash with visitors - my parents had already been to meet Maya in hospital the day before luckily but we still entertained 3 sets of visitors. Caroline arrived really early with presents for Maya and enjoyed some cuddles before heading off. James' parents and gran were next up and stayed for a couple of hours - by this time Maya was getting grizzly and my painkillers were wearing off so I could barely walk. Sharon and Richard came to see Maya after dinner and she was very good - and received some fabulous presents!
The first week whizzed past very quickly in a total blur. James took a week's paternity leave and my parents visited a few times to watch Maya or take her out for a walk whilst we tried to get some sleep. However I was pretty useless at daytime sleeping! Maya and I really struggled with breastfeeding - she didn't latch on very well and always fell asleep making nightfeeds last several hours. When she was weighted on Day 5 and had lost over 10% of her body weight I was distraught and really really worried. She appeared to be healthy and thriving but was not feeding at all well, and had colic. I was ready to give up breastfeeding at this point, especially when the maternity care assistant's helpful advice was to wake her up again during a night feed by stripping her off and changing her nappy - oh great make them last even longer - am I not allowed to sleep at all? Maya also cluster-fed in the evenings which very demanding. We had tears several times with both the mid wife and maternity care assistant, and even those unfortunate to visit when I was feeling a bit low. I broke down and sobbed for the entire length of Bea and Heidi's visit and looked like a proper mental case - fortunately it did result in them bringing us a huge meal! However we were impressively out an about by the end of the first week, despite the fact I could still barely walk!
At the end of week 2 we had clocked up a panicky visit to the Riverside Clinic, many more hours of crying, and were still not putting on weight quickly enough. One morning James went to work and I was laying in bed trying to feed Maya crying - not so good for the bonding experience. So when the health visitor came for the 2 week check I announced that I was abandoning breastfeeding as it was more important that she started to gain weight. So we started expressing all feeds instead. At first I thought this was going to be impossible and was a stupid idea, but I then discovered my friend Hannah was doing it as well so I didn't feel such a failure. I expressed 4/5 times a day and gave Maya a formula feed at night to give myself a break and suddenly everything got easier! James and I could share feeds, we got much more sleep and Maya loved the bottle and wolfed down her milk. At the end of the first week of bottles she had put on 11.5 oz!!!! We were very pleased - all of the hassle of expressing (which is uncomfortable, time consuming and dull) seemed worth it!
Lauren recommended Gina Ford's book to help us get into a routine, however on reading the book I just got angry. How the hell can you get newborns into a routine? Apparently you should make babies wait between feeds (which is actually damaging as it can mean they are not getting enough milk, and can decrease your milk supply), let them cry themselves to sleep. It is a ridiculous book - you can tell she's never had kids of her own. There is no way I can let Maya cry things out. She says the babies she 'cares' for never cry - probably because they know there's no point as they won't get any attention! Anyway we decided we were better on muddling through ourselves!
Our first full day at home was awash with visitors - my parents had already been to meet Maya in hospital the day before luckily but we still entertained 3 sets of visitors. Caroline arrived really early with presents for Maya and enjoyed some cuddles before heading off. James' parents and gran were next up and stayed for a couple of hours - by this time Maya was getting grizzly and my painkillers were wearing off so I could barely walk. Sharon and Richard came to see Maya after dinner and she was very good - and received some fabulous presents!
The first week whizzed past very quickly in a total blur. James took a week's paternity leave and my parents visited a few times to watch Maya or take her out for a walk whilst we tried to get some sleep. However I was pretty useless at daytime sleeping! Maya and I really struggled with breastfeeding - she didn't latch on very well and always fell asleep making nightfeeds last several hours. When she was weighted on Day 5 and had lost over 10% of her body weight I was distraught and really really worried. She appeared to be healthy and thriving but was not feeding at all well, and had colic. I was ready to give up breastfeeding at this point, especially when the maternity care assistant's helpful advice was to wake her up again during a night feed by stripping her off and changing her nappy - oh great make them last even longer - am I not allowed to sleep at all? Maya also cluster-fed in the evenings which very demanding. We had tears several times with both the mid wife and maternity care assistant, and even those unfortunate to visit when I was feeling a bit low. I broke down and sobbed for the entire length of Bea and Heidi's visit and looked like a proper mental case - fortunately it did result in them bringing us a huge meal! However we were impressively out an about by the end of the first week, despite the fact I could still barely walk!
At the end of week 2 we had clocked up a panicky visit to the Riverside Clinic, many more hours of crying, and were still not putting on weight quickly enough. One morning James went to work and I was laying in bed trying to feed Maya crying - not so good for the bonding experience. So when the health visitor came for the 2 week check I announced that I was abandoning breastfeeding as it was more important that she started to gain weight. So we started expressing all feeds instead. At first I thought this was going to be impossible and was a stupid idea, but I then discovered my friend Hannah was doing it as well so I didn't feel such a failure. I expressed 4/5 times a day and gave Maya a formula feed at night to give myself a break and suddenly everything got easier! James and I could share feeds, we got much more sleep and Maya loved the bottle and wolfed down her milk. At the end of the first week of bottles she had put on 11.5 oz!!!! We were very pleased - all of the hassle of expressing (which is uncomfortable, time consuming and dull) seemed worth it!
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