My dad John, has always been a man's man - not especially in touch with his feminine side and finds it hard to express his emotions. Or so I thought throughout my formative years.
How times change...
Over the last few years I have seen him cry at both mine and my sister's weddings, whilst delivering speeches which have everyone reaching for their tissues. I have come to realise that he is emotional about things that really matter - his family. My dad couldn't be more proud of my sister and I - and neither of us are remarkable in our achievements.
He married very young and had two kids by his early 20s - and when this all fell apart he missed out on them growing up. Our half-sisters are horrible people, they only contact Dad when they want/need something, are always bickering over something (despite being in their 40s) and made it almost impossible for Dad to have any sort of relationship with them.
They are stupid, and are missing out on so much. He will do anything for us (and for most people infact).
Last year when Maya was born we saw a completely different side to Dad. He tried hard to hide his tears when he held her for the first time, but we could see that he was completely in love with her already. Since his retirement we has spent at least one day a week with her, and is always showering her with gifts - if it's not a big noisy toy, it's a beautiful outfit or something to eat. We tell him not to, but it gives him a huge amount of pleasure to spoil her.
Don't get me wrong, Mum is also fantastic with Maya - but we knew she would be. Dad, however, was another kettle of fish. Tonight (whilst mum is in hospital recovering from a knee replacement) Dad came and had his dinner with us, and he fed Maya her tea and gave her her bath - if you had told me this would happen last year - I wouldn't have believed you!
The amazing thing about babies - whilst they can test your patience and allow your worst side to say hello to the world (usually as you are so sleep deprived) - they bring out the absolute best in you and everyone close to them.
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Happy mothers day!
So did us first time mummies have a fabulous mothers day this year?
Well according to Facebook and Twitter most of my friends certainly did. Unfortunately I did not....
It's been an odd fortnight - once again Maya has been ill - babies seem to collect colds like they are going out of fashion! She has been a grumpy ball of snot and even whinged all the way around the zoo the other day - something she normally squeals with delight at. Nights have been spent coughing like a tramp so sleep has not been readily available - which has not helped cope with a grumpy baby. She even went mental in the doctors surgery the other day - usually she prefers to portray a vision of optimum health when we visit the GP in order to make me look like a mental overprotective time waster.
Anyway towards the end of last week things were looking up, she loved her swimming lesson, enjoyed being the centre of attention at a picnic when all the other babies were having a nap and slept through on several nights.
However, in the early hours of Sunday morning she decided that sleeping through wasn't for her - and she wasn't going to cooperate in light of it being Mother's day. So we were up nice and early - around 6.30 - and by 7 she was all smiles and enjoying eating the wrapping paper my presents came in. Morning nap time seemed fine, but late morning, just after I had made the effort to put a dress on and straighten my hair, she decided to turn into a devil baby. She screamed throughout her lunch - which we were hoping would be a speedy affair as we had a 1pm reservation at Bencotto (one of my most favourite places to eat - and one I was so looking forward to celebrating my first mother's day in).
By 12.45 we realised that lunch wasn't going to happen, as Maya would not stop screaming - she was going properly mental (which luckily we don't see very often). I was so upset and in the end spent my mother's day lunchtime, storming out as I couldn't listen to her anymore, sitting at the bus stop before just walking around in tears. I was really angry that because I was wearing a dress - and I was so fucking cold that I had to go home - she was still screaming and refusing to be put down for a sleep. I felt really upset - surely as a mum you should be allowed just one day when you are the centre of attention? I felt angry and frustrated - you give up so much when you choose to have a baby and just wanted this day to be special. I actually spent a bit of the day wondering why I had bothered and longing for my life before.
Of course once I had calmed down (which did eventually happen, after a ridiculous amount of sobbing), I realised that Maya hadn't done any of it on purpose, it was just one of those things. She is normally so good when we take her out - so we didn't think for one minute that our special day wouldn't go to plan. Anyway of course I felt horrendous for thinking/saying the things I had - and made sure I took time to reflect on how lucky I am....
...and I am fully aware of this. Maya is perfect in every way. She is beautiful, full of smiles and amazes me every single day. I have spent time over the last week with people who have reinforced this - someone who had a miscarriage a few days after Maya was born and someone very close to me who has been waiting several weeks to see if her unborn baby has Downs - thankfully it doesn't. We should always remember that babies never plan to make us unhappy, and actually when I really consider it she makes me happy 99% of the time and I wouldn't change anything about her. Next time when I am feeling hard done by and irrational I will just need to remember that I am fucking lucky and need to get over myself!
Well according to Facebook and Twitter most of my friends certainly did. Unfortunately I did not....
It's been an odd fortnight - once again Maya has been ill - babies seem to collect colds like they are going out of fashion! She has been a grumpy ball of snot and even whinged all the way around the zoo the other day - something she normally squeals with delight at. Nights have been spent coughing like a tramp so sleep has not been readily available - which has not helped cope with a grumpy baby. She even went mental in the doctors surgery the other day - usually she prefers to portray a vision of optimum health when we visit the GP in order to make me look like a mental overprotective time waster.
Anyway towards the end of last week things were looking up, she loved her swimming lesson, enjoyed being the centre of attention at a picnic when all the other babies were having a nap and slept through on several nights.
However, in the early hours of Sunday morning she decided that sleeping through wasn't for her - and she wasn't going to cooperate in light of it being Mother's day. So we were up nice and early - around 6.30 - and by 7 she was all smiles and enjoying eating the wrapping paper my presents came in. Morning nap time seemed fine, but late morning, just after I had made the effort to put a dress on and straighten my hair, she decided to turn into a devil baby. She screamed throughout her lunch - which we were hoping would be a speedy affair as we had a 1pm reservation at Bencotto (one of my most favourite places to eat - and one I was so looking forward to celebrating my first mother's day in).
By 12.45 we realised that lunch wasn't going to happen, as Maya would not stop screaming - she was going properly mental (which luckily we don't see very often). I was so upset and in the end spent my mother's day lunchtime, storming out as I couldn't listen to her anymore, sitting at the bus stop before just walking around in tears. I was really angry that because I was wearing a dress - and I was so fucking cold that I had to go home - she was still screaming and refusing to be put down for a sleep. I felt really upset - surely as a mum you should be allowed just one day when you are the centre of attention? I felt angry and frustrated - you give up so much when you choose to have a baby and just wanted this day to be special. I actually spent a bit of the day wondering why I had bothered and longing for my life before.
Of course once I had calmed down (which did eventually happen, after a ridiculous amount of sobbing), I realised that Maya hadn't done any of it on purpose, it was just one of those things. She is normally so good when we take her out - so we didn't think for one minute that our special day wouldn't go to plan. Anyway of course I felt horrendous for thinking/saying the things I had - and made sure I took time to reflect on how lucky I am....
...and I am fully aware of this. Maya is perfect in every way. She is beautiful, full of smiles and amazes me every single day. I have spent time over the last week with people who have reinforced this - someone who had a miscarriage a few days after Maya was born and someone very close to me who has been waiting several weeks to see if her unborn baby has Downs - thankfully it doesn't. We should always remember that babies never plan to make us unhappy, and actually when I really consider it she makes me happy 99% of the time and I wouldn't change anything about her. Next time when I am feeling hard done by and irrational I will just need to remember that I am fucking lucky and need to get over myself!
Friday, 2 March 2012
Another week of highbrow activities...
So chicken pox has finally left the building, although we now think that Maya also had hand, foot and mouth - as I got it too! I discovered this late last week after we had bene in quarantine (and getting very bored I might add - who knew you could miss singing in the library so much?!). My hands felt like I had constant pins and needles and the soles of my feet were burning as if I had been dancing the night away in inappropriate footwear - chance would be a fine thing! Another delightful trip to the GP confirmed my fears, and stated that Maya could actually have both conditions at once. He also patronisingly pointed out that it wasn't related to the disease that affects livestock! Luckily I only had a very mild bout - much less severe than the scaremongering on NHS Choices had led me to believe. Her bout of chicken pox was also relatively mild, making me now wonder whether she actually had it at all or was it just hand, foot and mouth. Everyone says it was chicken pox due to the scabs - but I guess we'll never know. Next time we come across a baby with it Maya will be forced to spend some time with them just to be sure!
Anyway this week was back to normal, with one noticeable exception - the lovely weather. This has been a week of sun and no need for a big coat, I even managed to hang some washing out - such a sad thing to get excited about!
Maya and I have been walking all over the place. After I had her I was delighted to discover that I actually weighed less than before I got pregnant. Unfortunately after almost eight months of eating loads and using the breastfeeding excuse (which ran out three months ago) I think I have almost piled it all back on. Now by no means will I be starring on any sensitively titled Channel 4 documentaries in the future or have just my arse filmed by a news reporter as I walk down the high street, but as I did manage to lose that weight last night, it would be nice to do it again. I would also like to start running, but am fully aware that I do not have the commitment to probably even start this one!
So I am hoping that if I keep walking all over the place I might get a bit fitter. I am also trying to eat cake less often. Failed today after some delicious lemon cake in Costa (well, I did miss breakfast!). Monday was just a gentle stroll up to the Murray Road play area. Not the nicest of play areas but does have baby swings so it kept us busy for half an hour or so. On Tuesday we walked over 4 miles with the buggy - Maya and I had a little trip to the play area in Holywells Park to go to the play area, then after a quick rest at home we got Paddy and headed out again. This time a big loop around Murray Road and Landseer Parks - both Paddy and I were wiped out by the end of the afternoon. Maya was not.
Wednesday saw us getting back into our normal baby activities - we kicked off with singing in the library at Woodbridge, followed by a trip to the play area, lunch outside a cafe, a reasonably long walk along the river, two hours of fresh air in the garden and then another trip to the play area in Holywells Park. Lots of walking for me! We were hoping the fresh air would mean a full night's sleep for her. No - it was the worse night for ages as Maya had a filthy cold and woke constantly. Still I chose to ignore her snuffles and took her swimming on Thursday - which she loved - I was worried she would have forgotten everything as we haven't been for weeks. We had lunch with friends and then another walk to find the swings on the Grange Farm.
Today the weather turned and we were back in our winter finery, so probably a bad day to head to a cold damp Felixstowe! A big trot up and down the high street (several times, as I don't know where anything is!) was all we could manage in terms of walking today. The highlight of the day probably was sitting in the tiny reading boat in Felixstowe with Maya!
At times I feel that my old life seems a million miles away and all I seem to do is washing, ironing and cleaning up poo, and wonder how I will cope when I am back in the classroom and leading my department, but when the sun is out maternity leave seems the best thing in the world and despite the really crap pay I could do it forever! So hopefully getting out and about in the fresh air and walking my socks off will start showing some results...
Anyway this week was back to normal, with one noticeable exception - the lovely weather. This has been a week of sun and no need for a big coat, I even managed to hang some washing out - such a sad thing to get excited about!
Maya and I have been walking all over the place. After I had her I was delighted to discover that I actually weighed less than before I got pregnant. Unfortunately after almost eight months of eating loads and using the breastfeeding excuse (which ran out three months ago) I think I have almost piled it all back on. Now by no means will I be starring on any sensitively titled Channel 4 documentaries in the future or have just my arse filmed by a news reporter as I walk down the high street, but as I did manage to lose that weight last night, it would be nice to do it again. I would also like to start running, but am fully aware that I do not have the commitment to probably even start this one!
So I am hoping that if I keep walking all over the place I might get a bit fitter. I am also trying to eat cake less often. Failed today after some delicious lemon cake in Costa (well, I did miss breakfast!). Monday was just a gentle stroll up to the Murray Road play area. Not the nicest of play areas but does have baby swings so it kept us busy for half an hour or so. On Tuesday we walked over 4 miles with the buggy - Maya and I had a little trip to the play area in Holywells Park to go to the play area, then after a quick rest at home we got Paddy and headed out again. This time a big loop around Murray Road and Landseer Parks - both Paddy and I were wiped out by the end of the afternoon. Maya was not.
Wednesday saw us getting back into our normal baby activities - we kicked off with singing in the library at Woodbridge, followed by a trip to the play area, lunch outside a cafe, a reasonably long walk along the river, two hours of fresh air in the garden and then another trip to the play area in Holywells Park. Lots of walking for me! We were hoping the fresh air would mean a full night's sleep for her. No - it was the worse night for ages as Maya had a filthy cold and woke constantly. Still I chose to ignore her snuffles and took her swimming on Thursday - which she loved - I was worried she would have forgotten everything as we haven't been for weeks. We had lunch with friends and then another walk to find the swings on the Grange Farm.
Today the weather turned and we were back in our winter finery, so probably a bad day to head to a cold damp Felixstowe! A big trot up and down the high street (several times, as I don't know where anything is!) was all we could manage in terms of walking today. The highlight of the day probably was sitting in the tiny reading boat in Felixstowe with Maya!
At times I feel that my old life seems a million miles away and all I seem to do is washing, ironing and cleaning up poo, and wonder how I will cope when I am back in the classroom and leading my department, but when the sun is out maternity leave seems the best thing in the world and despite the really crap pay I could do it forever! So hopefully getting out and about in the fresh air and walking my socks off will start showing some results...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)