So did us first time mummies have a fabulous mothers day this year?
Well according to Facebook and Twitter most of my friends certainly did. Unfortunately I did not....
It's been an odd fortnight - once again Maya has been ill - babies seem to collect colds like they are going out of fashion! She has been a grumpy ball of snot and even whinged all the way around the zoo the other day - something she normally squeals with delight at. Nights have been spent coughing like a tramp so sleep has not been readily available - which has not helped cope with a grumpy baby. She even went mental in the doctors surgery the other day - usually she prefers to portray a vision of optimum health when we visit the GP in order to make me look like a mental overprotective time waster.
Anyway towards the end of last week things were looking up, she loved her swimming lesson, enjoyed being the centre of attention at a picnic when all the other babies were having a nap and slept through on several nights.
However, in the early hours of Sunday morning she decided that sleeping through wasn't for her - and she wasn't going to cooperate in light of it being Mother's day. So we were up nice and early - around 6.30 - and by 7 she was all smiles and enjoying eating the wrapping paper my presents came in. Morning nap time seemed fine, but late morning, just after I had made the effort to put a dress on and straighten my hair, she decided to turn into a devil baby. She screamed throughout her lunch - which we were hoping would be a speedy affair as we had a 1pm reservation at Bencotto (one of my most favourite places to eat - and one I was so looking forward to celebrating my first mother's day in).
By 12.45 we realised that lunch wasn't going to happen, as Maya would not stop screaming - she was going properly mental (which luckily we don't see very often). I was so upset and in the end spent my mother's day lunchtime, storming out as I couldn't listen to her anymore, sitting at the bus stop before just walking around in tears. I was really angry that because I was wearing a dress - and I was so fucking cold that I had to go home - she was still screaming and refusing to be put down for a sleep. I felt really upset - surely as a mum you should be allowed just one day when you are the centre of attention? I felt angry and frustrated - you give up so much when you choose to have a baby and just wanted this day to be special. I actually spent a bit of the day wondering why I had bothered and longing for my life before.
Of course once I had calmed down (which did eventually happen, after a ridiculous amount of sobbing), I realised that Maya hadn't done any of it on purpose, it was just one of those things. She is normally so good when we take her out - so we didn't think for one minute that our special day wouldn't go to plan. Anyway of course I felt horrendous for thinking/saying the things I had - and made sure I took time to reflect on how lucky I am....
...and I am fully aware of this. Maya is perfect in every way. She is beautiful, full of smiles and amazes me every single day. I have spent time over the last week with people who have reinforced this - someone who had a miscarriage a few days after Maya was born and someone very close to me who has been waiting several weeks to see if her unborn baby has Downs - thankfully it doesn't. We should always remember that babies never plan to make us unhappy, and actually when I really consider it she makes me happy 99% of the time and I wouldn't change anything about her. Next time when I am feeling hard done by and irrational I will just need to remember that I am fucking lucky and need to get over myself!
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